So, here is (essentially) the emails Troy and I traded today. I think it pretty well sums up how I've been feeling.
Subject: Bad Day
I'm having a bad day. No rhyme or reason. Students are being fine. It's this LOA wait; it's really starting to weigh on me, especially knowing we're only 1/3 of the way through it. And, then, realizing that in all probability, you won't get any time home with Ethan this summer, only makes everything worse. I am just sad today. Sad. Frustrated. Upset. Tense. To top it all off, my cold sore is growing to epic proportions. I. Want. To. Cry.......
To which he responded:
Hang in there honey! We just have to know that it is going to happen and we will have our little guy home, safe, and sound this year. We know that we've done everything we can and now we just have to prepare for ANOTHER Awesome trip to China - and just think, it will be with OUR sons!!
Besides, we need to spoil AIDEN as much as possible these last couple of months! Because I want our eldest to be an only child for just a little longer. And maybe we need focus more on getting ready - the boys' room, the closet (needs to be painted), the bed etc. Also focus on getting all of our lesson plans done for August through December next year etc. And I'm sure there are dozens of things I'm forgetting we need to do also.
I love you more than words can say-We will get through this honey.
And I replied:
I know all of that is true. And really, I feel the same way. I don't know why today is one of those days.
One thing is, I just hate the uncertainty of it all. If I KNEW it was going to be another 60 days, I could absolutely deal with that. The fact is, it could be 35, 40....90!! It is just so arbitrary, and I struggle with that. A lot. And, although I do want to enjoy this time with Aiden and us as a family of three, the fact is, we're missing a ton of milestones with Ethan, and he is attaching more every day with his foster family. It breaks my heart. I want to meet him, hold him, play with and comfort him. Screw him up in our own special way!
I'm sure being ultra tired doesn't help. Oh well. This, too, shall pass!
Da doo, too!
I know honey - we went through this last time also. We just have to resign ourselves to a later-than-opportune time for us (because what ever really goes our way?? :-) ) And trust me we will screw him up - just look at our little weirdo at home !!
DA DOO TOO!
Really nothing to add to this post. I wasn't even going to put it on here -- just share it with my "virtual world" where they're all going through the same thing. But, this is the reality. Some days stink. When I look back and share this process with the boys, I guess they have the right to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, is this bad or ugly or both??!!