Sunday, August 12, 2012

Premature Nostalgia

I want to preface what I am about to say with the statement that I am excited beyond words to be going to get Ethan. I am eager to hold him in my arms. I can't wait to be a family of four. But. I cried this morning. I was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee mentally running through the laundry list of pre-travel chores I need to complete before we travel in two days when I heard thud, pat-pat-pat-pat. I peeked down the hallway to see Aiden with his "behtha" (blanket) and "Lala" (Nala) clutched under one arm while his other little fist rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His hair was matted on one side; he yawned and stretched his arm up to me indicating that he wanted to be held. As he buried his face in my neck, I felt the tell-tale tingle that signals tears are soon to follow. And follow they did. It would be a stretch, if not an outright lie, to say that the past 22 months have been a fairytale, nirvana. We have had our struggles: abandonment issues, separation anxiety, night terrors, sleeping issues in general, language delays, medical name a few. That being said, the past close-to-two-years have been the most rewarding, fulfilling, magical time of my life. As I happily look forward to being a family of four, part of me is nostalgic. A sliver of me will mourn the loss of our family of three. I am thrilled to add Ethan to our family; my stomach is full of butterflies, and I can't sleep from anticipation. I want Aiden to know, though, that this time with just Mom, Dad, and him, has so far been the best time of my life!

1 comment:

  1. I think it's normal to feel this kind of loss, and excitement at the same time. Oh, the countdown is officially on!